Tuesday, September 23, 2008
Friday, September 19, 2008
Black and white (a short story from the book)
Saturday 12 august 2007
Here I shall write something strange. I feel I ought to write it before it is too late, so here I shall begin. I am using my diary because it happens to be the closest note-book. Please read and try to understand, for if you cannot, my efforts would have been in vain.
It had been two weeks since summer school started, I was so bored and all the contact I had with home were the few phone-calls we were allowed every week-end. The letters we could write were unlimited, but they took ages in reaching their destiny. Not to mention, the teachers checked all the letters before we sent them and each mistake meant an hour of detention. And its not precisely as if I were the english grammar queen.
I wasn´t at all popular either, people hated me because I am different. How? Well, I´m a Goth. I know most people don´t like us because we dress a bit different, or very, as it seems to them; because we like drawings that represent death, which we love and feel like it is only but another part of our human lives. Maybe there's another reason, I don´t know and don´t want to.
So, I was walking around the school corridor, at that moment going to the headmaster for not answering my maths test right; and, as usual, people were looking at me with disgust and incomprehension. Then, something happened, they stopped looking. Not only that, they started looking at each other, amazed and afraid, ignoring me altoghether. That was quite intresting. For them to look at each other, normal; even with those expressions, likely; but ignoring me? They hadn´t taken those loathsome eyes off me since I had arrived at summer school, why was it to be different now?
Then, something else happened, something more extraordinary, a boy leant over and, picking up a metal rod that lay at his feet (most likely for technology or physics) proceeded to commit suicide by passing it through his stomache. Then, they all went mad, some screamed at nothing, others ran up and down panicking, the rest all acted like they had some sort of mental illness or another. I realised how dangerous it was to be there when I realized they were apparently suffering schizophrenia. I decided the best would be to leave. I was heading for the main door that lead into a grey, gloomy playground, carefuly avoiding anyone who seemed dangerous, when, suddenly, the upper floor caved in, stopping me from leaving.
I was starting to panic myself, I was worse then locked in a large building, filled with people that were obviously insane and it was only a matter of time before they noticed me and killed me. If not that, probably I too would go insane. No, I had to keep my composure, if I didn´t, that would be the only reason I would go insane.
Looking around, I soon noticed the stairs, there seemed to be less people affected by that insanity there. I carefuly walked towards them, looking left and right
before walking amongst the people affected by insanity. It was calming down, but they still acted like I wasn´t there, it was just weird. I decided to ignore it, but
couldn´t completely block the thoughts from my mind. Upon reaching the stairs, I noticed some normal looking people up at the third floor, so I headed there.
I reached the third floor and found the people there still could see me, as they shot glares and looks of disgust and I could hear muttering of disapproval. I looked
around and, upon seeing no teacher close, reached into a pocket hidden on the inside of my jacket, took out a pack of cigarettes and proceeded to light one.
Blowing smoke-rings I looked about, people had stopped staring at me, but still glanced and looked in my direction. And the world keeps on spinning. I thought
to myself.
Suddenly, out of nowhere, a young man appeared. He was tall, had black hair that had a blue-ish glossy appeal to it and dark eyes. His skin was pale and had a soft
look to it. His eyes were strangely half lidded. He didn´t look worried at all. In fact, he looked around us and smiled. Everyone was amazed before he took a
water bottle out of a crate behind him and handed it to a girl, who took it and held it, a hypnotized look in her eyes. He proceeded to hand out the bottles, each person who was given a bottle immediatly had that hypnotized look.
Finally he reached me. He handed me a bottle, but I refused it. He insisted, but I felt too scared to take it.
Then, he took my hand and forced it open, putting the bottle inside it and closing my fingers around it. I resisted, but his hands were strong and I couldn´t but let him do as he pleased. When I held the bottle I felt nothing and looked around my companions. They were still hypnotized. Then I looked at the man, he was smiling. Then, he lifted a bottle to his lips and drank. Everyone followed in suit. I looked at the bottle in my hand and back at him, he nodded at me and I raised it to my lips and drank. Nothing. Just mineral water. I took the bottle from my lips and sighed, relieved. Then I heard something and turned to see the other people that had drank from the bottles start to go insane, ignoring me just like those earlier had. It was too much, I felt my knees give way beneath me and I collapsed upon them shivering. Then I saw him, the young man walked towards me, smiling politely, offering me his hand. I took it, feeling too confused to do much more. He pulled me to my feet and lead me to the stairs.
We had reached halfway down the second floor stairs, when I noticed that they ended suddenly at what looked like eleven metres from the ground. I backed away, but he was still holding my hand and pulled on it, making it clear he wanted me to walk on. I was considering him too being mad, but he could see me and the insane people couldn´t, I had already taken that as a rule. He pulled me on and then made me jump, I shut my eyes, but we landed softly, as if what we had jumped had only been a metre. But I had no time to turn around, because he was pulling me out the door, still smiling in a very creepy way.
When we were out of school ground completely, he let me turn around, and I saw not the school building, but a broken, age and weather worn building, but, strangest of all, there was a sign on it, one that said:
FISCHER SUMMER SCHOOL RESIDENCE
CLOSED SINCE 1862
Then, I woke up.
Weeks later, summer school started for real. My mother had given me a ride there, and now I was walking up to the gate. It was already class time, but, strangely enough, there was someone there. As if he were waiting for me, though, he probably was. Because, despite not ever being there before, I knew that someone who was waiting for me. Someone who saw me and smiled, a young man, tall, with black hair and dark eyes...
Here I shall write something strange. I feel I ought to write it before it is too late, so here I shall begin. I am using my diary because it happens to be the closest note-book. Please read and try to understand, for if you cannot, my efforts would have been in vain.
It had been two weeks since summer school started, I was so bored and all the contact I had with home were the few phone-calls we were allowed every week-end. The letters we could write were unlimited, but they took ages in reaching their destiny. Not to mention, the teachers checked all the letters before we sent them and each mistake meant an hour of detention. And its not precisely as if I were the english grammar queen.
I wasn´t at all popular either, people hated me because I am different. How? Well, I´m a Goth. I know most people don´t like us because we dress a bit different, or very, as it seems to them; because we like drawings that represent death, which we love and feel like it is only but another part of our human lives. Maybe there's another reason, I don´t know and don´t want to.
So, I was walking around the school corridor, at that moment going to the headmaster for not answering my maths test right; and, as usual, people were looking at me with disgust and incomprehension. Then, something happened, they stopped looking. Not only that, they started looking at each other, amazed and afraid, ignoring me altoghether. That was quite intresting. For them to look at each other, normal; even with those expressions, likely; but ignoring me? They hadn´t taken those loathsome eyes off me since I had arrived at summer school, why was it to be different now?
Then, something else happened, something more extraordinary, a boy leant over and, picking up a metal rod that lay at his feet (most likely for technology or physics) proceeded to commit suicide by passing it through his stomache. Then, they all went mad, some screamed at nothing, others ran up and down panicking, the rest all acted like they had some sort of mental illness or another. I realised how dangerous it was to be there when I realized they were apparently suffering schizophrenia. I decided the best would be to leave. I was heading for the main door that lead into a grey, gloomy playground, carefuly avoiding anyone who seemed dangerous, when, suddenly, the upper floor caved in, stopping me from leaving.
I was starting to panic myself, I was worse then locked in a large building, filled with people that were obviously insane and it was only a matter of time before they noticed me and killed me. If not that, probably I too would go insane. No, I had to keep my composure, if I didn´t, that would be the only reason I would go insane.
Looking around, I soon noticed the stairs, there seemed to be less people affected by that insanity there. I carefuly walked towards them, looking left and right
before walking amongst the people affected by insanity. It was calming down, but they still acted like I wasn´t there, it was just weird. I decided to ignore it, but
couldn´t completely block the thoughts from my mind. Upon reaching the stairs, I noticed some normal looking people up at the third floor, so I headed there.
I reached the third floor and found the people there still could see me, as they shot glares and looks of disgust and I could hear muttering of disapproval. I looked
around and, upon seeing no teacher close, reached into a pocket hidden on the inside of my jacket, took out a pack of cigarettes and proceeded to light one.
Blowing smoke-rings I looked about, people had stopped staring at me, but still glanced and looked in my direction. And the world keeps on spinning. I thought
to myself.
Suddenly, out of nowhere, a young man appeared. He was tall, had black hair that had a blue-ish glossy appeal to it and dark eyes. His skin was pale and had a soft
look to it. His eyes were strangely half lidded. He didn´t look worried at all. In fact, he looked around us and smiled. Everyone was amazed before he took a
water bottle out of a crate behind him and handed it to a girl, who took it and held it, a hypnotized look in her eyes. He proceeded to hand out the bottles, each person who was given a bottle immediatly had that hypnotized look.
Finally he reached me. He handed me a bottle, but I refused it. He insisted, but I felt too scared to take it.
Then, he took my hand and forced it open, putting the bottle inside it and closing my fingers around it. I resisted, but his hands were strong and I couldn´t but let him do as he pleased. When I held the bottle I felt nothing and looked around my companions. They were still hypnotized. Then I looked at the man, he was smiling. Then, he lifted a bottle to his lips and drank. Everyone followed in suit. I looked at the bottle in my hand and back at him, he nodded at me and I raised it to my lips and drank. Nothing. Just mineral water. I took the bottle from my lips and sighed, relieved. Then I heard something and turned to see the other people that had drank from the bottles start to go insane, ignoring me just like those earlier had. It was too much, I felt my knees give way beneath me and I collapsed upon them shivering. Then I saw him, the young man walked towards me, smiling politely, offering me his hand. I took it, feeling too confused to do much more. He pulled me to my feet and lead me to the stairs.
We had reached halfway down the second floor stairs, when I noticed that they ended suddenly at what looked like eleven metres from the ground. I backed away, but he was still holding my hand and pulled on it, making it clear he wanted me to walk on. I was considering him too being mad, but he could see me and the insane people couldn´t, I had already taken that as a rule. He pulled me on and then made me jump, I shut my eyes, but we landed softly, as if what we had jumped had only been a metre. But I had no time to turn around, because he was pulling me out the door, still smiling in a very creepy way.
When we were out of school ground completely, he let me turn around, and I saw not the school building, but a broken, age and weather worn building, but, strangest of all, there was a sign on it, one that said:
FISCHER SUMMER SCHOOL RESIDENCE
CLOSED SINCE 1862
Then, I woke up.
Weeks later, summer school started for real. My mother had given me a ride there, and now I was walking up to the gate. It was already class time, but, strangely enough, there was someone there. As if he were waiting for me, though, he probably was. Because, despite not ever being there before, I knew that someone who was waiting for me. Someone who saw me and smiled, a young man, tall, with black hair and dark eyes...
Forsaken, forgiven & 1000 glass tears (preview, Lucifer)
Lucifer looked up at the falling snow and took her gloves and scarf off, letting the snow momentarily darken her skin as it melted. It was cold, but that didn´t bother her, on the contrary, she liked it. It felt like the kisses, even the tears of our long lost ones, both the dead, and the damned. She smirked as she watched the snow collecting on Gabriel (now in male form)´s shoulders.
-You know...
Gabriel raised his head and looked at her, an expression of uninterest and boredom on his face. Lucifer payed no attention to this fact and continued.
-...it feels so wonderful, blood on snow, red against white, such a wonderful mix, don´t you think? I´d love there to be snow when the Armageddon arrives.
Upon realizing it wasn´t important, Gabriel had returned to reading his book, completely ignoring her. Knowing her, he felt it would be more like red against red, but he kept that to himself and read quietly."Better to be king of your silences then slave of your words." (W. Shakespeare) He said inside his head, besides, Lucifer was in a good mood, he didn´t want to spoil it for his princess of the underworld.
Lucifer again payed no attention to him in return. She tore her sleeves off, feeling the snow fall gently on her skin and the icy wind lick her bare arms. Something so seemingly innocent as snow was, falling softly, insinuating nothing but good intentions, and yet as soon as it could it bit into your flesh, bruising you with unseen hands and covering your body, slowly killing you. It showed how the most unlikely of things could be more dangerous then you´re prepared for.
Remembering this, made her remember Chanlon. She didn´t know why, but, thinking of Chanlon in this new concept scared her, like the snow´s unpredictability was also Chanlon´s. Infuriated with herself and her own thoughts, she threw the torn remains of her sleeves to the ground, treading on them hard. Chanlon was not a stranger to her, she never had been, and never will be. She knew her like she knew the palm of her own hand. Besides, she always lost against Lucifer, always, and that wasn´t about to change.
She turned to Gabriel, who had been reading her mind, now pretending to attempt to hide it, making it so obvious she felt even angrier. Biting her lip and restraining herself from destroying that world with her bare hands, she opened a portal.
-Come on! We´ve loitered enough, she isn´t here, neither is he, staying is pointless. What are you waiting for? Move...
They both entered the portal, Lucifer slowly closing it behind them. When there was only a small opening left, she changed her mind. Raising her hand, she let a purple light flow from her palm before closing the portal. That world was gone now, it made her feel better.
Prosperity is not without many fears and distastes; and adversity is not without comforts and hopes. (Francis Bacon)
-You know...
Gabriel raised his head and looked at her, an expression of uninterest and boredom on his face. Lucifer payed no attention to this fact and continued.
-...it feels so wonderful, blood on snow, red against white, such a wonderful mix, don´t you think? I´d love there to be snow when the Armageddon arrives.
Upon realizing it wasn´t important, Gabriel had returned to reading his book, completely ignoring her. Knowing her, he felt it would be more like red against red, but he kept that to himself and read quietly."Better to be king of your silences then slave of your words." (W. Shakespeare) He said inside his head, besides, Lucifer was in a good mood, he didn´t want to spoil it for his princess of the underworld.
Lucifer again payed no attention to him in return. She tore her sleeves off, feeling the snow fall gently on her skin and the icy wind lick her bare arms. Something so seemingly innocent as snow was, falling softly, insinuating nothing but good intentions, and yet as soon as it could it bit into your flesh, bruising you with unseen hands and covering your body, slowly killing you. It showed how the most unlikely of things could be more dangerous then you´re prepared for.
Remembering this, made her remember Chanlon. She didn´t know why, but, thinking of Chanlon in this new concept scared her, like the snow´s unpredictability was also Chanlon´s. Infuriated with herself and her own thoughts, she threw the torn remains of her sleeves to the ground, treading on them hard. Chanlon was not a stranger to her, she never had been, and never will be. She knew her like she knew the palm of her own hand. Besides, she always lost against Lucifer, always, and that wasn´t about to change.
She turned to Gabriel, who had been reading her mind, now pretending to attempt to hide it, making it so obvious she felt even angrier. Biting her lip and restraining herself from destroying that world with her bare hands, she opened a portal.
-Come on! We´ve loitered enough, she isn´t here, neither is he, staying is pointless. What are you waiting for? Move...
They both entered the portal, Lucifer slowly closing it behind them. When there was only a small opening left, she changed her mind. Raising her hand, she let a purple light flow from her palm before closing the portal. That world was gone now, it made her feel better.
Prosperity is not without many fears and distastes; and adversity is not without comforts and hopes. (Francis Bacon)
Forsaken, forgiven & 1000 glass tears (preview)
Channy put a hand to her head and sighed, he was being impossible. Couldn´t he understand that there were no people there, that they had to look for another door soon or else they might, no, would die in the jaws of some angry dangerous, untamed forest animal? If so, why was he whining on about being hungry and tired? As if they both weren't. But they had to find a door and fast, they weren't the only hungry things in that dimension. She heard another branch snap, they were everywhere. They shouldn't have ever entered the forest, they should have kept to the beach, then they wouldn't be lost. She looked around them, there wasn´t even a clearing where they could
open a door. Epiko moaned something about being hungry and shut up when she shot him a glare. Then she sighed again, it was no use being angry with him, she put her hand on his shoulder and smiled when he looked up, anyway, she wasn´t like that. He smiled back. -It´s alright. I know I´m annoying most of the time. Anyway, I ought to be helping you look for another door so we can get out of here and maybe get something to eat in the next dimension.
-Mm, I see you understand. Sorry anyway though. I´m not normally like that, must be getting hungry too.
-Hey! Whats that light there? It could be a way out of here!
-Finally!
They ran towards the light, but didn´t find what they expected. There was another door, but what they saw through it made them stop in their tracks and run to hide in the forest again. That other dimension was full of hideous creatures. They were of all sizes, from puppy sized to the size of an elephant. They had deformed human faces that looked like they had been crushed and torn, more then age-worn. They also had over-sized golden-colored eagle´s wings on a lion´s body. They were sphinxes, only Epiko and Channy didn´t know that. Or did she? Channy felt as if she held faint memories about such creatures, as if she had known them all her life, no, more than all her life, she had always known them, since the beginning. But, what was the beginning? She felt her mind about to answer, but her head was aching and spinning and all she could remember when her vision cleared was the loyalty that lay in the sphinxes. She knew how, behind those fierce eyes and sharp talons, there was a big heart, willing to do all it could to please he who won it.
Without warning Epiko, she walked out to the sphinxes, her hand on her still slightly aching head, and stroked the coarse feathers on ones neck. It turned and met her affection with the lowing of its head, rubbing it´s neck against her shoulder as it invited her to sit on its back. She sat down and felt it rise underneath her, as it took off into a gallop before taking to the air. The sensation was almost like the one of riding in the Eskimos sledge, except here she could look down and see the earth rushing by beneath her, like a never ending flowing river. The almost-Amazonian forest stretched below her, cliffs of a golden hue creating space for waterfalls, rivers forking and ending all over the place. The intensely dark-green canopy his hundreds of creatures, each emitting it´s own cry to the world. It was so beautiful. That scene was the most beautiful she had ever contemplated and she was gaping at all that you couldn't see at first sight, no, you had to see to reach the heart. She stroked the feathered head and it responded with a loud squawking-roaring sound. She was so startled at that sound she fell off. She was falling air whipping at her hair, moving to lets her fall with a loud “whoosh”; and then she suddenly felt herself stop in mid air, sharp talons turning into a cradle, keeping her from any harm. Feeling reassured by the strong, firm grasp the sphinx held round her waist, she opened her eyes and looked down. The view was almost the same one she had been watching before, but she liked it better like this. The hight was once again, not threatening, but pleasant, and the breeze was combing her lose hair. She lifted a hand to it, the hair clasp she had put in it must have fallen out somewhere back when she almost fell. She quickly forgot it as the sphinx swooped down over a lake. It had lifted its legs so as not to drown her, and when her back entered in contact with the feathers she realized it was going to drink. It was amazing how anything could drink in mid-flight like that. It was simply opening its mouth as it flew low over the water, letting it spill everywhere. Channy giggled at it. It was so amazing it wasn´t even choking. It heard her laughing and turned its head around. She gasped, was it going to hurt her? Had it found her laughter insulting? It tilted its head as much as its position permitted and let the water bounce off its free claw, spraying her with it and leaving her drenched. She was soaking, worse then in the Eskimos world.
Wait, where was Epiko? He must be worrying about her. She had just went off without saying anything. She stroked the sphinxes neck, and whispered that she had to go back. And, it turned around! It had actually understood her. She was amazed so much by this creature, by its non-corresponding grace in movement and intelligence. It turned its head to face her, who in that time had climbed to its back again, and she saw its eyes properly, they were golden, dark green and golden at once, and they were full of wisdom. It was ancient, of course it understood her, it had encountered people before. It put its head on one side again, sunlight reflecting in its eyes, making golden streaks cover the green once again, but not completely, only slightly, looking like golden bangs...golden bangs? They made her remember a face, a face long lost to her memory, leaving only its silver glass eyes and the gold white bang in front of its left one, not covering it completely, that cruel evil smirk...
The sphinx squawked again, reminding her to keep her balance, making her forget what she was about to remember, who she was about to remember. She smiled at it as they were landing back where they had started, that was a memorable experience.
Epiko was still waiting for her.
-Are...are they...you know...err...alright.-He said, feeling uneasy around them.
-Of course,-Channy smiled.-they´re our friends.
She stroked another ones neck, feeling the feathers not so coarse. This one was younger. She smiled. She had already taken back what she had thought earlier, they didn´t know people, they knew her.
We do not know the true value of moments until they have undergone the test of memory.(Georges Duhamel).
open a door. Epiko moaned something about being hungry and shut up when she shot him a glare. Then she sighed again, it was no use being angry with him, she put her hand on his shoulder and smiled when he looked up, anyway, she wasn´t like that. He smiled back. -It´s alright. I know I´m annoying most of the time. Anyway, I ought to be helping you look for another door so we can get out of here and maybe get something to eat in the next dimension.
-Mm, I see you understand. Sorry anyway though. I´m not normally like that, must be getting hungry too.
-Hey! Whats that light there? It could be a way out of here!
-Finally!
They ran towards the light, but didn´t find what they expected. There was another door, but what they saw through it made them stop in their tracks and run to hide in the forest again. That other dimension was full of hideous creatures. They were of all sizes, from puppy sized to the size of an elephant. They had deformed human faces that looked like they had been crushed and torn, more then age-worn. They also had over-sized golden-colored eagle´s wings on a lion´s body. They were sphinxes, only Epiko and Channy didn´t know that. Or did she? Channy felt as if she held faint memories about such creatures, as if she had known them all her life, no, more than all her life, she had always known them, since the beginning. But, what was the beginning? She felt her mind about to answer, but her head was aching and spinning and all she could remember when her vision cleared was the loyalty that lay in the sphinxes. She knew how, behind those fierce eyes and sharp talons, there was a big heart, willing to do all it could to please he who won it.
Without warning Epiko, she walked out to the sphinxes, her hand on her still slightly aching head, and stroked the coarse feathers on ones neck. It turned and met her affection with the lowing of its head, rubbing it´s neck against her shoulder as it invited her to sit on its back. She sat down and felt it rise underneath her, as it took off into a gallop before taking to the air. The sensation was almost like the one of riding in the Eskimos sledge, except here she could look down and see the earth rushing by beneath her, like a never ending flowing river. The almost-Amazonian forest stretched below her, cliffs of a golden hue creating space for waterfalls, rivers forking and ending all over the place. The intensely dark-green canopy his hundreds of creatures, each emitting it´s own cry to the world. It was so beautiful. That scene was the most beautiful she had ever contemplated and she was gaping at all that you couldn't see at first sight, no, you had to see to reach the heart. She stroked the feathered head and it responded with a loud squawking-roaring sound. She was so startled at that sound she fell off. She was falling air whipping at her hair, moving to lets her fall with a loud “whoosh”; and then she suddenly felt herself stop in mid air, sharp talons turning into a cradle, keeping her from any harm. Feeling reassured by the strong, firm grasp the sphinx held round her waist, she opened her eyes and looked down. The view was almost the same one she had been watching before, but she liked it better like this. The hight was once again, not threatening, but pleasant, and the breeze was combing her lose hair. She lifted a hand to it, the hair clasp she had put in it must have fallen out somewhere back when she almost fell. She quickly forgot it as the sphinx swooped down over a lake. It had lifted its legs so as not to drown her, and when her back entered in contact with the feathers she realized it was going to drink. It was amazing how anything could drink in mid-flight like that. It was simply opening its mouth as it flew low over the water, letting it spill everywhere. Channy giggled at it. It was so amazing it wasn´t even choking. It heard her laughing and turned its head around. She gasped, was it going to hurt her? Had it found her laughter insulting? It tilted its head as much as its position permitted and let the water bounce off its free claw, spraying her with it and leaving her drenched. She was soaking, worse then in the Eskimos world.
Wait, where was Epiko? He must be worrying about her. She had just went off without saying anything. She stroked the sphinxes neck, and whispered that she had to go back. And, it turned around! It had actually understood her. She was amazed so much by this creature, by its non-corresponding grace in movement and intelligence. It turned its head to face her, who in that time had climbed to its back again, and she saw its eyes properly, they were golden, dark green and golden at once, and they were full of wisdom. It was ancient, of course it understood her, it had encountered people before. It put its head on one side again, sunlight reflecting in its eyes, making golden streaks cover the green once again, but not completely, only slightly, looking like golden bangs...golden bangs? They made her remember a face, a face long lost to her memory, leaving only its silver glass eyes and the gold white bang in front of its left one, not covering it completely, that cruel evil smirk...
The sphinx squawked again, reminding her to keep her balance, making her forget what she was about to remember, who she was about to remember. She smiled at it as they were landing back where they had started, that was a memorable experience.
Epiko was still waiting for her.
-Are...are they...you know...err...alright.-He said, feeling uneasy around them.
-Of course,-Channy smiled.-they´re our friends.
She stroked another ones neck, feeling the feathers not so coarse. This one was younger. She smiled. She had already taken back what she had thought earlier, they didn´t know people, they knew her.
We do not know the true value of moments until they have undergone the test of memory.(Georges Duhamel).
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